What do you want?
Goals = adult
Wants = child
List your wants
- What part of me wants it PAC?
- If the child doesnt want it you probably wont get it
- If only the child wants it, it may not be a good idea as the consequences have not been considered
- If only the parent wants it, it is a should
- Adult must be involved in the want to provide the how to
- The desire to please the parent never leaves us but may be modified
Options for getting each want
- Getting information about the want
- Asking for it
What are the consequences?
- Are there any conflicts? This may mean making choices
What did the child want originally? (Longings of the child)
- Information makes the child secure in novel situations
- Security<——>novelty spectrum
- Meaning (the significance of my life)
Requirements for change
- Wanting to change comes first
- Enlightenment the discovery that you can
- Positives work, negatives dont (see Do and don’t messages)
- Have a reward in sight child needs to play in this too will I feel better?
Habits can help because they save energy providing they are the right habits. Energy from stroking builds new habit pathways, and energy comes from people.
Be the change you want
- The difference I want
- How far do I want to go?
- Gain and loss
- What I will do differently?
Change can produce loss as well as gain everything costs! More freedom means accepting more responsibility, conversely we cannot be responsible if not given freedom.
Record the gains the child likes to see progress
Get help this helps us participate in solving our own problems by expanding the possibilities