Keeping people & Karpman Drama Triangle


  • Want, don’t only need
  • Have many stroke sources
  • Have fun with each other – every day
  • Find the others parent
  • Be aware of the effect you are having on the other person
  • Don’t be angry, its probably a racket – deal with it by trackdown
  • Keep contracts
  • Control yourself not others

Karpman drama triangle

If you feel the urge to rescue, stop and think…

  • Whose problem is it?
  • Can you solve it?
  • Is it your business?
  • Predict your feelings

If you feel the urge to persecute

  • Stop and think why
  • What is the payoff?
  • How will you feel afterwards?

If you feel the urge to be a victim

  • Stop and think why
  • Is this a racket?
  • Only confront if the adult is in charge – otherwise you become persecutor
  • If not asked for help or no intention of helping you become a rescuer
  • If you become a victim “I’ll never do that again” moves you to persecutor

To get out of the triangle

  • Have other stroke sources
  • “I will get on with my life no matter what”

Manipulative stroking controls behaviour – withholding strokes

Conflict resolution

  • Consensus – but often I want what you want what I want
  • Concession – one person always gives in
  • Compromise – nobody gets what they want
  • Cooperation – agree to disagree
  • Confrontation – ok if adult in charge: “there is a real problem here, we have to talk it through”
  • Conciliation – overcome hostility and secure friendship; works if the child wants it and the adult knows how to get it


  • Don’t give or take stamps
  • Give low value strokes
  • Don’t be persecutor rescuer or victim
  • Stay ok but don’t flaunt it
  • Keep in adult
  • Stay in the now
  • Protect the other persons child if possible
  • Develop other relationships
  • Be consistent
  • Stay friends if possible

In relationships, get the adult working by asking

  • Where is this relationship going?
  • How much punishment am I willing to take?
  • What are my values?
  • What will I be doing in 5 years time if I don’t change?
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