Keeping people & Karpman Drama Triangle

 

• Want, don’t only need
• Have many stroke sources
• Have fun with each other – every day
• Find the others parent
• Be aware of the effect you are having on the other person
• Don’t be angry, its probably a racket – deal with it by trackdown
• Keep contracts
• Control yourself not others

Karpman drama triangle

If you feel the urge to rescue, stop and think Whose problem is it? Can you solve it? Is it your business? Predict your feelings If you feel the urge to persecute Stop and think why What is the payoff? How will you feel afterwards? If you feel the urge to be a victim Stop and think why Is this a racket?

• Only confront if the adult is in charge – otherwise you become persecutor
• If not asked for help or no intention of helping you become a rescuer
• If you become a victim “I’ll never do that again” moves you to persecutor

To get out of the triangle

• Have other stroke sources
• “I will get on with my life no matter what”

Manipulative stroking controls behaviour – withholding strokes

Conflict resolution

• Consensus – but often I want what you want what I want
• Concession – one person always gives in
• Compromise – nobody gets what they want
• Cooperation – agree to disagree
• Confrontation – ok if adult in charge: “there is a real problem here, we have to talk it through”
• Conciliation – overcome hostility and secure friendship; works if the child wants it and the adult knows how to get it

Unhooking

• Don’t give or take stamps
• Give low value strokes
• Don’t be persecutor rescuer or victim
• Stay ok but don’t flaunt it
• Keep in adult
• Stay in the now
• Protect the other persons child if possible
• Develop other relationships
• Be consistent
• Stay friends if possible

In relationships, get the adult working by asking

• Where is this relationship going?
• How much punishment am I willing to take?
• What are my values?
• What will I be doing in 5 years time if I don’t change?