Types of transaction

Good guy (male) / sweetheart (female)

Parent-dominated person with a repressed child who is depressed because of stroke deprivation, adult function pre-empted by parent-child dialogue.

OK people

Good guys can tune out (but not erase) the parent-child dialogue and learn to be with people, to see the other person’s child. Then he can choose where to invest his goodness (which may involve some risk but there is adult protection based on the previously un-noticed realities).


The way of stopping the internal dialogue

Recognised known feelings > stimulates adult > stops internal dialogue > what can I do differently? > new actions > new feelings

7 steps of trackdown

  1. Hurt – acknowledge feeling
  2. Which part of me hurts? The child
  3. What word best describes my hurt?
  4. What happened in the recent present to trigger this feeling? Eg crossed transaction or parental putdown
  5. What is my parent saying to me and how is my child responding?
    “now you’ve done it”
    “you had your chance and blew it”

    …and other don’t’s
    – remember the child makes assumptions
  6. What can I do differently now?
    • Collect stamps and cash them in as a feelings treat
    • Take it up with the person who gave it – “I feel…”
    • File the feeling in athe adult data bank as a trackdown
  7. What can I do differently next time?
    • What part did I play in the transaction? (complicity)
    • Do I frequently hook parent-dominated people?
    • Does the truth hurt (hooked by the adult)
    • Does the other persons child hook me (am I a self-appointed rescuer?)

Discovering parent messages

Can spot this at the time because can’t be in adult at the same time as parent.


Confusion < > overload

Results in fatigue and apathy

Ineffective ways of handling confusion

Effective ways of handling confusion