You are not listening to me when …

  • you do not care about me
  • you say you understand me before you know me well enough
  • you have an answer to my problem before I’ve finished speaking
  • you look frightened by or disapproving of, what I am telling you, you finish my sentence for me
  • you find me boring
  • you feel critical of my vocabulary, grammar or accent
  • you are dying to tell me something
  • you tell me about your experience, making mine seem unimportant
  • you are communicating to someone else in the room
  • you refuse my thanks, saying you haven’t really done anything
  • you follow your own thoughts & memories when they are triggered by my words.

You are listening to me when

  • you come quietly into my private world and let me be
  • you really tiny to understand me, even if I’m not making much sense
  • you grasp my point of view, even when it is against your own sincere convictions
  • you allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they might be wrong
  • you do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way
  • you hold back your desire to give me good advice
  • you give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on
  • you accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know you have been helpful.
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