Assertiveness – overview

4 key parts

  1. Self esteem – Feeling good about yourself
  2. Self knowledge – How you feel and that you would like to happen
  3. Respect for others – Listening to feelings and needs
  4. Clear communication

Think about yourself

  • Feel good about yourself
  • Acknowledge what you’re good at
  • Rate yourself
  • Accept praise and handle criticism
  • Believe in yourself
  • Take responsibility for yourself
  • Ask for what YOU want
  • Allow yourself to make mistakes and change your mind
  • Recognise your responsibility towards others

I have the right…

  • To be me
  • To be treated as an equal
  • To ask for what I want
  • To an opinion
  • To disagree
  • To be wrong
  • To say “I don’t understand”
  • To make decisions
  • To express my feelings and say what I feel
  • To be independent
  • To choose
  • To be assertive
  • To be treated as a person
  • To be consulted and involved
  • To be human
  • To instigate progress/development/change
  • To change my behaviour
  • To be a PHCT member

Assertiveness helps you identify what your needs are

Assertiveness in communication

  • Name the person
  • Be specific
  • Say what you feel
  • Say what you wou1d like to happen
  • Discussion and action
    • listen to what others say
    • reassure that you have heard
    • repeat what you want to happen
    • suggest compromise
    • ask for alternatives
    • agree compromise

Guilt is a waste of energy

Assertive Aggressive Passive
Appearance relaxed tense apprehensive
Posture upright domineering collapsed
Eye contact direct staring minimal
Facial expression responsive taut fawning
Hands relaxed agitated limp
Voice confident strident hesitant











Some assertive rights to consider

  • To be treated as an equal human being
  • To state my own needs and make requests of other people, recognising their right to refuse
  • To express my feelings or opinions without having to justify them
  • To change my beliefs and behaviours
  • To choose not to accept responsibility for others and their feelings and problems
  • To say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t understand’
  • To ask for more time or more information
  • To say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and not feel guilty
  • To make mistakes and to take responsibility for them
  • To choose NOT to be assertive

Assertive skills training reading list

  • A Woman In Your Own Right Anne Dickson Quartet ISBN 0-7043-3420-8
  • When I Say No I Feel Guilty Manuel J Smith Bantam Books ISBN 0-553-02268-7
  • Assert Yourself Gael Lindenfield Thorson ISBN 0-7225-2652-0
  • Self Esteem Gaei Lindenfield Thorson ISBN 0-7225-3017-X
  • Games People Play Eric Berne Penguin ISBN 0-14-002768-8
  • What Do You Say After You Say Hello? Eric Berne Corgi ISBN 0-532-09806-X
  • I’m Ok, You’re Ok Thomas A Harris Arrow ISBN 0-09-955241 -8
  • TA for Teens (And Other Important People) Alvyn Freed Jalmar Press, California ISBN 0-915190-03-6
  • Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway Susan Jeffers Century ISBN 0-7126-2555-0
  • Inward Bound Sam Keen Bookcraft Ltd. ISBN 07499-1244-8
  • The Cinderella Complex Collette Downing Fontana
en English