Adult
vs parent protectionParent protection
- Withdrawal
- Don’t get involved
- Shyness
- Passivity
- Intimidation
- Intellectualisation
- Ritual
These rob us of strokes, push away people, create distance – “ safe… but sorry”
Adult protection
Protects child without losing strokes or pushing people away
- Eye contact – keeps in here and now and prevents parent kicking in
- Reading people (active listening) – has he hooked his parent > bring the adult back
- Predicting behaviour – not judging
- Options – “what would happen if…” when things are going well
Contracts
- Not one-way
- There is something in it for the child of both parties
- Contract is made adult-adult – contracting when emotional (child-child) doesn’t work
- The contract is equitable – mutual win if kept and mutual loss if broken
- Contract is simple but not too simple
- Breaking the contract is stated in terms of consequences not punishment
- It is written
- It is renegotiable – if it is not working it could be because people or situations have changed