Anger management

Anger can be both a positive and negative emotion. Anger can become a problem when it occurs too frequently, is too intense, lasts too long, when it leads to aggression and when it disrupts our relationships.

When we get angry a very subtle chain of observable events occurs. We may think that sometimes we just ‘snap’, but that is not the case. Anger management is largely about recognising and altering this chain of events. The chain includes an external trigger, something happening, our interpretation of that trigger, the thoughts or mental statements that we make to ourselves, and our increased level of physical arousal.

Anger management training consists of a number of stages:

Recognise the external triggers that are likely to increase your anger. For example, hunger, tiredness, being in traffic, being in a crowd, being ignored etc. What is it about these situations that you find so upsetting?
Ask yourself what thoughts or self statements you make to yourself in those situations. We all ‘talk’ to ourselves consciously or unconsciously. This process starts in childhood where children initially talk out loud about what they are going to do. Between the ages of four and six years this self instruction tends to become covert or internal. Find out what you are saying to yourself and then attempt to alter those statements. Work out a list of helpful self statements such as:
- This is going to be upsetting but I can deal with it.
- If I find myself getting upset I know what to do.
- Stay calm, continue to relax – take a few deep breaths.
- Don’t take it personally.
- I’m not going to let this person get to me.
- This is a challenge – relax those muscles.
- Congratulations – you handled that pretty well.
Recognise the physical signs of tension in your body, e.g. clenched fists, tightened biceps, rapid shallow breathing, accelerated heart rate. Then, try to relax. Practice muscle relaxation exercises and slow controlled breathing. Say to yourself a soothing word such as CALM or imagine a peaceful scene, or try something that distracts you such as counting backwards.
Manage your background stress levels. Anger is usually a symptom of being overstressed and feeling unable to cope. If you are feeling very stressed look at ways of changing your lifestyle. Talk about your worries.
Ventilate and explore your feelings. Aim to improve your assertiveness skills. Increase your level of physical activity